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My nipples and clitoris are very sensitive | Could it be my husband’s technique?

I am 33 and newly married. I have come not to enjoy nipple or clitoral stimulation by my husband. My parts are very sensitive and I find such stimulation overwhelming. I was abused as a child, but have not had this problem before. There is a chance that it’s my new husband’s technique, but I have also had major surgery and a termination of pregnancy, which could be contributory factors.

My nipples and clitoris are very sensitive | Could it be my husband’s technique?

It is essential that you share all of this with your husband. Surgery certainly can contribute to physical sensitivity, while a history of abuse can affect one’s long-term sexuality in a number of ways and requires professional help. But your husband also needs to join with you in seeking answers and in improving sensation.

Help him to understand your exact feelings, and ask very specifically for what you need. Many women are afraid to say anything critical about a partner’s technique, or to disclose their sexual fragility. But, if gently presented in a non-blaming fashion, it can lead to better sex, as well as greater closeness and bonding. You both deserve to be known to each other for who you really are sexually – at every point in your lives together; this is a cornerstone of intimacy. When sharing truths about your sexual needs, always begin by reaffirming your love and by letting him know the positive things you enjoy about lovemaking with him. Then help him to fully understand your specific physical sensitivities, and try to be brave enough to share your masturbation technique with him. Gently micromanage his efforts until he gets it right, then reward him in the best possible way – including implementing his requests for improved technique on your part.


 When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments that appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed.

 If you would like fellow readers to respond to a problem of yours, send us an outline of the situation of about 150 words. For advice from readers on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns.

 All correspondence should reach us by Wednesday morning. Email: private@bloomgist.com.

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