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I struggle to make lasting relationships, but desperately want to settle down

I can’t seem to break out of a pattern in which I’m attracted to emotionally unavailable men who can’t give me what I want.

Girl 3

I am 34 and have been single for four years. During that time, I have been on many dates, had two six-month affairs, but have not discovered the new “one” to have a meaningful relationship with.

My relationships follow a pattern: intense excitement turns to dissatisfaction and I become subject to emotional abuse. The last one, four years ago, brought more acute and longer-term suffering with a traumatic split, having to separate our lives and home.

I desperately want the love of a new partner but struggle to beat patterns of past behaviour. I am dating a caring, intelligent and successful man, but I find myself attracted to emotionally unavailable men who I know can’t give me what I desire.


 When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments that appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed.

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