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Dating 101: The secret to coping with your ex’s new partner

Try to stop yourself thinking about them – and remember that jealousy works both ways.


Illustration: Lo Cole

Every time you think of your ex with their new partner, visualise the word “stop” or imagine a red traffic light. Go back to thinking about your own life and how you can make it better.

The idea that your ex is having a wonderful life is a story you are telling yourself. It is a type of self-harm story, but it is not one you are reading, it is one you are writing. You are its author

The new partner is often jealous of your ex’s marriage to you, the pull of any children from that marriage, the pull of family events. So, when you feel left out, think of that.

You will understandably have little or no sympathy for the woman or man that your ex is now with, but it is important to know that life will definitely not be rosy on the other side of the equation. You should remember this when you are feeling that your life is less than – in fact, your life is more than.

Try to do one thing each day for yourself, not just as a distraction, but as a way of making your life significant to you. Go to the gym or read a book. Meet a friend or go for a walk. Instead of feeling on the outside of someone else’s life, find a way to put yourself inside yours.

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