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The secret to not having an affair

If temptation comes your way, make the most of it by behaving as if you’re having an affair – but with your partner.

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Temptation can happen at any time but you’re much more likely to succumb if there are wobbles in your relationship. Familiarity can get a bit too comfortable, or a new baby, bereavement, job worries or significant birthday can add a dash of cold reality and leave some people susceptible to the idea of an exciting fling.

Take the long-term view and consider the worst possible outcome if you have an affair. End of marriage, devastated children, financial insecurity, house move – none of it good. Don’t imagine for a moment that you’ll get away with being unfaithful. Guilt, stupidity or good old-fashioned gossip will get you in the end.

Now temptation has come your way, make the most of it. Behave as if you’re having an affair – but with your partner. Flirt, text, touch, kiss. Make the most of yourself, don’t constantly loaf about in trackies. And get your sex life back on track.

Start talking. If you and your partner are stuck in a rut, chances are they’re as bored as you are. You don’t have to make a huge drama and arouse suspicion, but spending time together away from the children or domestic chores can remind both of you why you got together in the first place.

Avoid trouble. Never let yourself be in any situation where temptation could move instantly from imaginary to real – and that includes texting, emailing or messaging your possible lover. Get a grip on yourself, not them. The heart wants what it wants, but you’ll get over it, with no one hurt.


With insight from Holly, 43, who took her own advice just in time. Interview by Joan McFadden

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